Monday, April 13, 2009

Music Mondays

My name doesn't fit my personality. Seriously. When I was a kid, I'd lie in bed and count the days until I could legally change it to March or Lola--something, anything--besides Kristi. What were my parents thinking? Kristi is great for the cheerleader at the annual car wash fundraiser in cut offs and a tube top. Not the girl who turned down the hottest guy in school when he finally asked her out because it conflicted with her tickets to Othello. Doesn't that sound more like something you'd expect from a Vivianne or Rachelle?

Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our names. We're at the mercy of our parents-the same people who dressed us in bell bottoms and tube socks.

No matter where I moved in the U.S., I was guaranteed at least two other girls slapped with the same moniker. We were the original Ashleys. But that didn't stop the gym coach, A beefy women with a mullet from jocking us all down to Kris. 

The one concession was that if you have a common name, you were guaranteed a song. Right? You know, with your name in the title? Stacy, has a song. Amy and Amanda got songs. Even Rhiannan got a song. Popular names have songs.It's as important as removing your retainer and shoving it in your pocket before you kiss. If you didn't have a song, what was your boyfriend going to sandwich between Depeche Mode's Somebody and Nirvana's Smells like Teen Spirit on the mix tape? Lady in Red? *Gawk*--Sorry, just dry heaved. 

Did Kristi have a song? No. Kristine got a song. There's probably even a ballad to all the Kris' in the world. But nobody wrote songs about Kristi. Man, high school sucked. 

Until Now. 

The Offspring, has finally put the angst of Kristi to lyrics. My name is finally emblazoned in vinyl! (Actually it's digital, but you get the picture.) Apparently, the Kristy they knew wasn't really all that happy, unless references to cutting and child abuse are peppy. Maybe Kristi's aren't cheerleaders after all. Anywho, I love an angst ridden song, especially with a cute guy mooning over a girl. 

So to launch the maiden post of Music Mondays *drum roll*

 Kristy are You Doing Okay--The Offspring.   (Sorry embedding has been disabled so you'll need to click on the link.) 

Note the ode to the eighties in the music. It just doesn't get any better than this.  


Melinda said...

So, I wanted to out do you and tell you that Melinda didn't have a song, but I found one.

Check it out. The guys in my song are sooo much hotter.

yeah, I think I've out done you.

Kristi Stevens said...

That is hilarious! You win. I can't even compete with that eight minute humdinger. And uh...yeah...those guys are hhhottt. I wonder why more people haven't heard of them.

Mary Campbell said...

How about your song being about a stupid freaking lamb or a girl that was "quite contrary" and people sang them to you every day of your life, or "Mary, Mary where you goin' too" - that one was not as popular as the others. "..and the wind whispered,Mary" or "Proud Mary" - be grateful that your name didn't inspire that many songs.

I never felt like a "Mary" either. Talk about a name with incredible pressure to live up to. My middle name "Elma" after my grandmother -imbued me with embarrassment - at least there isn't a song with the name Elma.

Mary Campbell said...

Both yours and Melinda's songs are way cooler than any of mine.

Anonymous said...

Mary, I can relate. Jill? All I was known for was beating up Jack. Ironic, I'm still known for beating up boys...

Darlene said...

Hey, I had that same gym teacher! Man, she gets around.

What about "Darlene"???? The floozy on every sit-com.

And this is all why I'm having such a horrible time coming up with names for my characters . . .

Suzy Toronto Studios said...

So got "Wake up, little Suzy, Wake up, your reputation's shot!"...I want to be named "Venus, oh Venus, goddess of love that you are...." Yes, I'd like to be known as the Goddess of Love.

Jason Stevens said...

"No matter where I moved in the U.S., I was guaranteed at least two other girls slapped with the same moniker. We were the original Ashleys. But that didn't stop the gym coach, A beefy women with a mullet from jocking us all down to Kris."

You fascinate me. It blows my mind that this kind of stuff just rolls out of you. Pithy AND funny.

I don't want to hear any compaining about names...

...I got the Argonauts. And although I had a hot wife (Medea) I'm pretty sure I was gay. I was a greek god. Weren't we all?I'm the best-known slasher of all time. L-A-M-E.

You'll occasionally see me stamped into your milk carton. Not because I'm missing OR wanted but because the acronym for July, August, September, October and November spell my name. Really, folks - an expiration date for dairy products?


I guess the silver lining is that I actually DO have a hot wife.

And I have a satellite that takes topographical pictures of the bottom of the ocean.