Monday, April 27, 2009

Judgement's got Creativity in a Full-Nelson-Music Monday

I am my worst critique. Always have been. It doesn't matter how much praise is heaped upon my little head, I just can't get past the things I feel I don't do well. My friends say I have selective hearing. No matter how much I've done well, I only hear the critic hovering over my shoulder tearing my efforts apart. In some ways this could be a good thing. I run farther, push harder and stay motivated longer because I am always trying to prove that I can be better. And I've had a great deal of success because of Miss Judgement driving her sharp nails into my shoulders.

Lately, Miss Judgement is overstaying her welcome. It's making me tired. 

For the last year or so, I've been at war with myself as I try to learn how to write. The two sides of my personality have been locked in conflict. And it keeps getting bloodier.  

See, Creativity can't coexist with Perfectionism. She has to breath. Creativity lilts around throwing ideas, ruffling linens and dancing on the tables. And she can't do that if Miss Judgement is scolding her for scuffing the floors. The more I learn about writing, the more I learn what's supposed to be on the page and the more I worry about making it right. So, I stuff Creativity in a broom closet and let Miss Judgement dictate my entire life. In fact, there are some days when I am struggling so hard between the two halves, I can barely breath. Which is sad because my creative side is pretty darn awesome.(notice how I didn't even let Creativity use the adjective she really wanted to. I can't even blog without Miss Judgement. AUGH! )

So my song for the week is about this very personal battle from one of my most favorite bands of all time. (Sorry, had to pull the video. But here is the youtube link.) Numb-Linkin Park.


 

4 comments:

Jaime Theler said...

Now that I'm back in the land of the living I've finally peeked at your blog. You just tie Ms. Judement up and toss her in the closet - until revisions. Then let her out. But she *has* to go during rough draft. Good luck! I saw you in passing at the conference, but I was a little bit in a sleep deprivation fog. :)

Jason Stevens said...

I'm pretty good with long range weapons. Let Miss Judgement loose in the west desert and I'll...

;-)

Jill Ann said...

Kristi? A perfectionist? Nah...

Shari said...

I have a Ms. Judgement at my house, too. I put duct tape over her mouth. So, for now, I'm doing okay. I fear she will figure out how to remove it, however. We need to figure out how we can get rid of her for good! Because, my friend, YOU ROCK. You are such a good writer. Try some duct tape.