Day 45

The food thing? It's been weird. Lately, I haven't craved much of anything. I went through a whole wheat bread with creamed honey phase for almost all my meals. And I'm so through with strawberries. Blech.

I bought a case of peaches with big plans to make jam. I pulled out all the canning supplies and read through my cookbooks fantasizing about all the possibilities. I made some yummy salsa instead because the tomatoes were getting too ripe. Then TNG brought home a 5 gallon bucket of elderberries, so I made syrup. Then the zucchini threatened to take over the world so I saved you all and made 10 loaves of bread. Then I got tired and was grateful I was born now and not on the frontier when preserving stuff wasn't an option but a life or death requirement.

I still haven't touched the peaches.

I'm forcing everybody to eat them before they go bad. My five year old ate three peaches today, each bigger than her head.

And I haven't even started on the jalapenos. I need jalapeno jelly for recipes. It's a great add in to sauces and such. But I'm starting to lose steam.

TNG keeps reminding me that I don't need to do any of this housewifey stuff. He says I can let the peaches brown and paint a mural of Frida Kahlo waterskiing with pandas if the desire struck. He knows I need to create to live. But I don't feel like doing much but following vague instructions on the inside of the pectin box.

All this listening to myself has stirred my emotional insides into pea green broth. I'm just a brothy pot of  bubbling emotions, emoting all day long. It's good and healthy and stuff. It just makes me tired.

Except for one. I don't laugh much these days. I miss laughing. I miss friends who make me laugh. I miss not being able to breath because I am so filled with laughter there isn't room for air. So if you're reading this, it's likely I'm talking to you, cause you're awesome and if you were here I'd squish your cheeks and give you a hug.

I guess that's what I've been craving, some friend to friend love.

K

Day 40

I just signed on to teach another class next semester. This will be in addition to my Public Speaking courses. I'm super excited about the content but it's a pretty new class on campus so I'm going to need some help from you readers to get it going.

It's Oral Interpretation of Literature.

I guess I just can't stay out of the theatre. I'm pretty excited to sink my teeth back into books and performance. It's been so long, holy cow I have missed it.

Send me any ideas on what you'd like to see in a class like this. We'll cover the oral readings of plays, prose, poetry, maybe even some blogs (!?!) Please send me book and poetry ideas (even yours, it might be a way to get your work read in public at speech competitions.)

I am going to need to assemble a collection. I've only got my private collection at home right now, it's pretty heavy on books but I'm not to crazy about sharing it with twenty plus college students.

What a challenge. Can't wait.

Oh, and BTW, the food thing is getting easier. Since I've let myself eat basically whatever I want whenever I want as long as my body is actually hungry for it, I've found I don't really want that much to eat, mostly bread and fruits and vegetables. Crazy. Who knew my body was so intelligent.

Granted, it's not always easy. The emotions that rush through me when I'm not stuffing them with food can be pretty intense. But I'm dealing, more or less. Some days are better than others.

I've also signed up to try the Bountiful Basket Co-op. I know I'm a little behind on that concept but super excited about it. (Wow, I'm super excited about a lot today.)  I love big baskets of fruits and vegetables and I love trying new foods. So the idea that I can get lots of fresh organic produce every week for $25 dollars is super (that word again, ugh) intriguing.

I pick up my first basket on Saturday. I'll let you know how it goes.

And I haven't forgotten about the instructions I promised to post about converting a table into a cute, cute bench. Just waiting for TNG to send me the pictures. (hint, hint)

Hugs to you all.

K

Day 33

For my husband's birthday I gave him a trip. Basically we'd go anywhere or do anything he wanted to for a long weekend. I had my own ideas on what would be fun. 

This is what he chose:



Whanna see it from a MonkeyCAM? 

Um, that "Monkeycam" is going off a 290 foot rappel! 
Those little, itty, bity, white things are People! 

Yeah, you read that right, nearly 300 freakin' feet of terror!!

I've rappelled a lot since I married the Norse one. Can't say I've ever enjoyed it, (since I am terrified of heights) but it is a great way to practice my faith building skills. 

For example, when I am anchored to a tree and stepping into the abyss my thoughts turn to religion. 

They go something like this:

"Please God, don't let me fall and die. Though. I am willingly throwing myself off a cliff, please be mindful of my children and that they will be orphans if I drop/bounce/slam off the sandstone walls to my death. So yeah, you know, if you're not too busy helping all those people suffering from starvation, war, and cancer don't let me fall, please don't let me fall, please, please, please, please!!!!!"

Wish me luck! 

Gulp. 

Day 31

Labor day is coming. Yay! Time for another vacation? I'm still trying to decide. The last one was so amazing just thinking about it and I'm Jonesen for another river.

Did I mention that we had a party on the last night of our river trip? We had 20 plus people over for Prime Rib, my friend KimG's amazing roasted veggies and homemade ice cream!

Virg- Our patron saint. The whole reason the Norse God and I met. 

The Norselet's talking Amy J's ear off. 

Is that Apple cobbler I smell in that dutch oven? 

Day 30

What do I want? 

To create!

Mint Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream

I want to take something I love . . . 

And make it . . . 

Better.

Or conceptualize a project I've wanted to do forever

 and finally make it happen.

TNG and I built all the furniture in this room (floors included) except the sofa. The black table in the corner is a goner now that my man has built me the gorgeous pedestal table of my dreams!

The unfinished project (She's a little shy)

But wait 'til you see how sexy she looks in black.

(Sorry, Gotta come back for the big reveal)

It's made from two thrift store tables. 

I've discovered a new hobby that I love, love, LOVE

Furniture repurposing! 

See this bench?

 

It used to be my kitchen table. 

Wanna know how obscenely easy and inexpensive (less than 10 bucks!) it was to take a broken table and make a high end bench? 

Day 25

Here is how my assignment works. I can eat absolutely anything, and I mean anything, I want (including peanut butter cookie dough for breakfast) as long as my body is actually hungry for it.

Now hunger is tricky. Sure, I know how it feels to be famished in a panicked sort of way that if I don't eat this very second I might shrivel up and die. And I know how to eat so little I can barely get off the couch just so I can fit into my size 2 pants. But the truth is that I, we, rarely eat out of hunger. I eat because the bread smells amazing, or it's dinner time, or because I am on vacation and if I don't eat it now I might never get another chance to eat it again in my entire life! 

Photo: Joyce Dopkeen/The New York Times

Which isn't really true if you think about it.

But when I am in a divine, one-of-a-kind bakery, that sells that one-of-a-kind-cupcake that had it's own hour special on the Food Network, I'm not measuring my body on a hunger scale. I'm ordering everything in the store.

I'm sure it's a deprivation thing that's probably linked to my childhood and the fact that I wasn't breast fed. My mom doesn't read this blog. Let's blame her! (Just kidding)

Anyway my hunger mentality isn't working for me anymore and I am so, so, so ready to change it. Mostly, so I can walk into Cheesecake factory and order a slice of Godiva Heaven, eat every single bite, like a normal person, and not feel like I committed a deadly sin.

So, I wake and wait for hunger to sink it. Nothing happens, until 10:45 when I feel the beginnings of hollow in the belly hunger. Then I eat whatever I'm hankerin'. (I know this goes against what modern science says about metabolism and eating first thing in the morning, but I am trying to trust that my body knows more about what it needs than some male scientist at the Mayo clinic.)
I ate what I was craving, A banana and four ripe strawberries. I kid you not, it was the best banana I have ever tasted in my life! And I was full again. Just like that.

And that is what's supposed to happen, wait until you are hungry, eat what you want, and your food will actually taste better. 

That doesn't mean I don't want to eat the 23 1/2 other hours of the day. I just trying not to. I've committed to myself to sit and think, or write, about why I want to eat at any given moment. Most of the time I don't even know the emotion driving my cravings until after I take a time out and think about it. I've trained my body to desire food instead of feel emotion.

Here are a few of the emotions triggered by cravings I've jotted down in the past week: bored, tired, lonely, thirsty, happy, sad, pensive, excited, affectionate and angry. (You can see why some of my recent posts have been downers. I'm not burying the emotions in my stomach so they're resurfacing all over the place.

It's been interesting so far. I haven't gained any weight (my greatest terror was that if I let myself eat whatever I wanted whenever, I'd go hog wild and resemble Jabba the Hut by New Years).

I haven't lost anything either. Which isn't really the point, I guess. The experiment is to learn to listen to what I want and then—this is the kicker—give it. 

So what do I really want if it's not food? Stay tuned.

Day 23- For Real

Today my youngest started Kindergarten.

I asked her what she learned. 

She made a tee and said, "This means you have to go to the bathroom, and you should never go in the corner."

Ah, my tax dollars hard at work.