Day 45

The food thing? It's been weird. Lately, I haven't craved much of anything. I went through a whole wheat bread with creamed honey phase for almost all my meals. And I'm so through with strawberries. Blech.

I bought a case of peaches with big plans to make jam. I pulled out all the canning supplies and read through my cookbooks fantasizing about all the possibilities. I made some yummy salsa instead because the tomatoes were getting too ripe. Then TNG brought home a 5 gallon bucket of elderberries, so I made syrup. Then the zucchini threatened to take over the world so I saved you all and made 10 loaves of bread. Then I got tired and was grateful I was born now and not on the frontier when preserving stuff wasn't an option but a life or death requirement.

I still haven't touched the peaches.

I'm forcing everybody to eat them before they go bad. My five year old ate three peaches today, each bigger than her head.

And I haven't even started on the jalapenos. I need jalapeno jelly for recipes. It's a great add in to sauces and such. But I'm starting to lose steam.

TNG keeps reminding me that I don't need to do any of this housewifey stuff. He says I can let the peaches brown and paint a mural of Frida Kahlo waterskiing with pandas if the desire struck. He knows I need to create to live. But I don't feel like doing much but following vague instructions on the inside of the pectin box.

All this listening to myself has stirred my emotional insides into pea green broth. I'm just a brothy pot of  bubbling emotions, emoting all day long. It's good and healthy and stuff. It just makes me tired.

Except for one. I don't laugh much these days. I miss laughing. I miss friends who make me laugh. I miss not being able to breath because I am so filled with laughter there isn't room for air. So if you're reading this, it's likely I'm talking to you, cause you're awesome and if you were here I'd squish your cheeks and give you a hug.

I guess that's what I've been craving, some friend to friend love.

K